Matthew 6:33

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

Back in June, I had tricked myself into believing that I was in a happy place. Or maybe I used certain excuses to cover up potential pain and uncertainties. Choosing gossip and pleasing words from human beings over the truth of God, I soon fell under temptation and sinful desires.

Then in July I chose to focus on my new job to keep my mind busy. Ignoring this temporary unstable foundation, I fell deeper into wrongful desires. When opportunities came my way, I even considered controlling the situation by my own hands. Let's be real....never works.

But God is so good.

He is so gracious on my little heart.

I've probably shared this multiple times by now...but God really reveals Himself to me through timing. Listening to just the right sermon podcast, friends asking the necessary questions that may be hard to hear, or just simply digging into the Word... just a few examples of how God answered my questions last week. Not only so, He answered me step by step, addressing one issue at a time through the illustration of a surgery!

Sometimes we just need a lot of examinations, or let God examine our hearts

Two Sundays ago, I had a sudden pain and was misdiagnosed at an emergency weekend clinic. The following day, my colleagues were so concerned that they took me to a specialist to get examined. From the ultrasound results, the doctor said I needed to go to the hospital ASAP. With a referral in hand, I made it to the closest hospital near home. At the hospital, they quickly had me go through six different types of examinations (which was so cool)! Long story short, had a cholecystectomy, or gallbladder removal surgery. 

It might take two or more people to try 8+ times to help me get plugged in to the Lord

During my time in the hospital, God sent so many of my brothers and sisters to comfort me. I didn't realize how lonely it got until the nurses (due to shift rotations) kept asking me "Where's your family?"  Every. Single. Day.

Fasting and praying, another way to get cleaned out good and refocus on God

Of course, I played it cool and my pride got in the way. To be honest, after watching many many MANY medical dramas and TV shows, I was actually pretty excited for my surgery.....that is until we enter the day before the surgery....

or when we get stuck/unplugged, again....

I was getting really worked up over bitterness that was deep down in my heart. Anxiety that was building itself on top of piles of anger and disappointment....and all the emotional sadness and physical pain gathered itself....and to God's good humor, all these terrible manifestations were revealing themselves just like all my gallstones!

Next day, had the surgery. SO MANY STONES!

When God removes things that doesn't belong...

During my recovery time, I spent the first night writing out my prayers for each feeling, action, focus, repent, and desire. The next morning, same long list, but a more thorough prayer. Then, I listened to a sermon that was next on my Ekko list....which Pastor B talks about what to do during this PRECIOUS time of SINGLENESS: Seek God. Seek God. Seek God. 

1. The sermon highlights on the gardens that God is asking me to tend during this season. With many people coming to see me, that was affirmation of what God has called me to do here.

2. PB also teaches on the importance of drawing closer to God. The closer I get to God, the closer he gets to God, we'll meet later at God's time. "If it's him, it's him, he ain't going anywhere." says PB.

3. Studying. This is the perfect time to grow and develop my skills. Is there something God is asking me to work on? Yes! A lot!

A sign of fruit from one of the gardens that I've been tending

On Sunday while I was worshiping, God softened my heart and showed me how stagnant my spiritual growth was. I felt a little down, but Pastor J's message shares how we shouldn't dwell on the disappointment of our sins (thanks to Jesus).

That precious first meal, victory

From hospitalization until the day I was discharged, God removed temptation from me to make a point. I was physically unable to reach temptation. How powerful is that?!?!? Most of the disappointment only came from over analyzing and putting hope in the wrong place.

I would love to have a family, would love to have children and adopt, would love to stay in Japan, would love to keep serving through music education.... but most importantly....

I need to, want to, and choose to seek Him first.  :)

"Get well" from my team at SB ^^;

Prayers, thoughts, updates for September 5, 2019:

-  Praises for a successful surgery!
-  Pray for last Japanese Language test in December (Level N1)
-  Pray for my heart to seek God and establish a firm foundation in this intimacy with Christ
-  Pray for my small group for spiritual growth
-  Pray for the Holy Spirit to work in my new workplace